Unfortunately, abuse happens and sometimes that's emotional abuse within a marriage. I've got 5 ways that you can heal a marriage after emotional abuse. Stay tuned.
Discussion About Marriage Emotional Abuse
Unfortunately, the abuse happens. We hurt each other. I love the way Desmond Tutu put this. He said we are all broken, and from that brokenness we hurt each other. It is going to happen, right?
Even in a marriage, this is a place where you should experience love and acceptance and joy and bliss.
All that great stuff that you got married for in the first place. But because we're human, we tend to hurt each other, and emotional abuse can happen.
Now, I'm not justifying or saying that it's okay to abuse someone emotionally. But the topic of this article is how are we going to recover from that.
Here are 5 quick strategies for how to recover a marriage after emotional abuse.
Focus on self-care
This is where you have to start because regardless of what other people are going to do in your life, you can take immediate steps toward taking care of this.
Getting number one back on track. Now there are several things that you can do that are very practical.
- get enough sleep.
- eat a balanced diet.
- regular exercise.
- prayer and meditation.
We're talking good aerobic exercise to get your heart pumping. At least 3 times a week. Having some time just to quiet the noise. You know. All that noise that's going on in your mind you can quiet it down.
Meditation yoga exercise. Those kinds of things are really going to help to take care of yourself. This is really important to recover from emotional abuse.
There is a good deal of misconceptions out there about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not saying that it was okay because sometimes it's not right? Being abused is not okay. That's not what we're speaking with forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook for their misdeeds or their crimes or their sins.
You don't have that kind of authority. Forgiveness? I like the way one of my colleagues put this. Forgiveness is giving up our demand for a better past.
Ooh! That's juicy. Write that down somewhere and think about how you've been hanging on to some of the past offenses.
Practicing forgiveness means that you're going to let go of those to open up your hands to do the other kind of work that you're going to need to do as you move forward with recovery.
Now the top two requests that come into everypoint when couples are wanting to heal their marriage --trust and communication. Those two things are so important. And I think if we have effective communication, we can build trust.
Listen To Understand
So number 3 on our list today of strategies for recovery is to improve your communication skills.
This is something you can do together as a couple. But even if your spouse isn't on board yet. Here's something that you can start with immediately. Listen to understand.
Let's talk about those two words real quick. Listen --Incidentally, in the English language, that word has the same letters as the word silent. Which i think is a coincidence.
But it's kind of helpful because you're going just to quiet the noise in your mind for a minute. And listen to understand. That's our goal. Understanding and agreeing aren't the very same things. And a lot of times when you start hearing something from your spouse that you don't agree with you stop listening.
Well, turn it back on. Keep listening to the goal of understanding. You want to Be Sure that what you get them is Precisely, what they intended to send you. And communication is fraught with difficulties.
I did a whole book on this. It's called The Love Choice. Here's the crux of it. Every interaction we have with our partner will drop on one side or another.
I don't think there's a neutral option. I think every interaction will either be a love choice, or what's the opposite? A hate choice.
Abuse is a hate choice, and it could be a little or a lot. But I think it's going to fall on one end of the spectrum or the other.
When we see it as a choice, it actually empowers us to make that choice. Because until we see it as a choice, it's not. Did you follow that?
Until we view it as an option, it is not. Have you been showing up with your partner?
Now, if someone abuses me, I'm more likely to react in a hateful way toward that person. Resist that inclination because you still have a choice. And even if someone comes at you with hate, you can respond with love whatever that looks like.
You ask yourself,"What's your most loving thing that I could do?" And you're going to be in a right place if you'll choose love.
Also You can read This: How To Get Your Kids To Focus Better
Get some help
I saved this one to the last. It Is probably among the hardest ones to Execute because of pride or taboos or culture, or whatever it is.
Get some help some therapy some counseling. Some coaching. Someone who can assist you in getting outside of your own head. Maybe help the two of you communicate better. Give you a forum where you can actually start solving problems. And please use discretion.
Unfortunately, the research shows that some people who go into a therapeutic setting actually get worse. Some get better, some stay about the same. The research is exciting in the outcome studies that have been done here.
I think what you're looking for is a coach or a counselor who resonates with your values. Who understands your purpose as a couple as a family and who will support you in applying the right kinds of principles to get there.
I think you're gonna enjoy that one. I hope you found that helpful. There are so many other resources available.
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