We've all wondered about it from time to time. How do you get someone to like you? I've got some pointers today, and I hope you stick around for all of them.
It's inherent for human beings to want being liked by other people - if it be peers or strangers. But how can one work on getting more likable? In this event, I will be discussing with you some pointers which could allow you to be more liked by the people around you, so stay tuned!
How to get someone to like you? You know what?
I learned this from some little kids. I've shared with you before that I spent (Wow) probably 12 or 13 years of my career doing child custody evaluations.
I did a lot of psychological evaluations and interviews with children, little kids. And they taught me so much.
I used to have this instrument that I would use with children called a sentence completion test. And it's not really a test. It's more of an exercise to dry out some of their thinking.
So there are sentence stems, and then there's a blank at the end. And you read the stem to them, and they fill in the blank. And one of these ways, "To make friends you have to..." Now how did you answer that?
You know what? Over 90% of the kids that I showed that stem with had the same answer.
"Be nice." Yeah, to make friends, you have to be kind. Aren't you glad you watched it? Yeah, it's that simple.
Yep be nice. You know what? One of my colleagues and a guy that I've admired for a long time as Mark Gungor. Mark has a viral video that went out about a tale of two brains. You've probably seen it where he talks about men's brains and women's brains. Well, Mark is a pastor. He's a counselor. He's a thought leader in the area of relationships. And in his book Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage mark said this "He said it comes down to 2 words." Yeah, you know where I'm going with this, don't you?
Be nice. Be nice. And notice that you've got a choice here too. Be nice. How do you get people to like you?
Well, that's pretty much it. You know what?
We did a video not too long ago about how to form a good first impression. Go check that one out. And another one also about
"How to get people to open up to you?"
But it occurred to me that one of the things about being nice that I think would be really useful here is to give people gifts. Alright. Now I'm not saying this because I want you to send me a gift.
Although I wouldn't reject it if you did, I'm talking about social gifts. Four social gifts I was introduced to these social gifts by Dr. Mrs. Roper's impressions. And if she described what social gifts are...
There's 4 of them, okay? You can get people to like you more by giving these social gifts consistently.
So let's look at the four social gifts.
appreciation and gratitude.
It's a social gift. You can give this to anyone as you asked your mind. Well, what is it that I'm grateful for about that person? And try to be as specific as you can.
You are giving the gift of gratitude and appreciation changes how people respond to you because they feel something. Think about how you feel if someone expresses appreciation for you. Hey, you know what?
I sure appreciate that you did that thing for me. Yeah, doesn't that just feel awesome? It does. And the person who's delivering the gift goes up in your esteem and your liking of them.
Because they gave you a social gift. Same things gonna happen for you if you want to get people to like you more. Give them some gratitude and appreciation. Show a little love here.
Another social gift.
Connection and commonality.
What do you have in common with that person? This is very validating when you meet someone for the first time, for example.
And you're talking a little bit about what you do, or they're talking about what they do, and you find something that matches that comes together that you have in common gives you a little connection with that person, doesn't make it?
Yeah. So give the social gift of connection and commonality.
It usually sounds something like, "Oh, you're interested in leathercraft?
I used to do leather craft when I was a teenager. Loved it. What have you done recently?" If that's something that you have and I just picked leather craft as an example. But it might be a sport. It might be a hobby. It might be a place. You see this all the time.
You know when you go to a show, and the speaker or the comedian or the entertainer up on the stage says, "I'm from Lubbock, Texas." And you get cheers from back there in those seats. Everybody's like, "Yeah, Texas!" Or wherever it is. They get all excited. In fact, you guys who are from Lubbock, Texas. You're getting a little nervous right now, aren't you? Yeah, because there's some commonality.
You're like, "Oh, wow. That's my place." And it causes people to like you more when you identify something that you have in common. That's social gift number 2. Connection and commonality.
What's another gift that you can give?
Enlightenment and knowledge.
And remember, think of this as a social gift. It's something that you're giving to someone. If you can increase their fund of knowledge, they will naturally like you more.
Try to focus on something relevant to them or some of the things that you have in common. This way, you can kind of magnify social gifts.
It usually shows up in the form of "Hey, did you know...?"
And then you give them that new piece of information.
Or you know what I heard? And then you give them a new piece of information.
This particular social gift is all about increasing their fund of knowledge. And they will like you more as they receive that gift from you.
Let's go to the fourth one.
Elevation and positivity.
You knew I'd get to positivity, right? Because I'm the positivity guy. Yeah, of course. We're going to go there. The elevation is just what it sounds like. What does an elevator do? It lifts people, It takes them to a higher place. You want to raise or teach or enrich them. And particularly their mood. That's why positivity is so important in this equation.
So as we elevate people, it can be as simple as smiling. Just give them a tremendous genuine smile. And that lifts them a little bit. You see people smiling; it only changes your day. Doesn't it?
Try this out on the street. You know as you're walking along and you see somebody and just give them a big old smile. They're going to think you're up to something. It might weird him out a little bit.
But we're talking about helping people to have an elevated mood. Humor is an essential part of this particular social gift to give them something that they can laugh a little bit about or chuckle. Or just experience a little bit of delight and joy at the moment. So.. Smiling humor having a pleasant disposition having a positive attitude about things. That's the fourth social gift.
Final Thoughts About Someone get like You
How do we get people to like us more?
Be nice! And that also means giving some social gifts. You don't have to do anything to provide me with to like you. I'm just delighted that you're here. Thanks for joining me at Parentingcents. I saw standing in the street alone 🙂