I’m here with 4 tips on how to raise a child with self-confidence. There are some clues here from the word itself. Confidence. What does it mean?
What Is Confidence?
One of my colleagues pointed out, “You know, Con men mean Confidence in men.” I hadn’t really connected with that before. But think about it, If somebody can get your Confidence then they can persuade you to do whatever it is they’re trying to get you to do, right?
Confidence denotes trust. Trust in someone
else if you have faith in that. Well, what is self-confidence?
I trust myself. If we want to raise a child with self-confidence, we want a child that can trust herself/himself in whatever circumstances come up. Keep that in the back of your mind as I share this 4 tips with you. These will help your child to build trust in self. So, the first tip that I have for you in raising a child with self-confidence is to teach and model integrity.
Tip #1 – Teach And Model Integrity
define that. Integrity is when what I say matches what happens. When you’re
experience of me is entirely consistent with the way that I’ve presented
myself. So, in teaching children integrity, we want them to declare what they
intend to do and then actually follow through on doing it. This is why discipline
is so relevant too. You think about it.
Sometimes you discipline your kids because you want them to do something because it makes your life better, right? Okay. But what does it do for them? Did you realize that your child following through on what they would do when they said they would do it? Helps them to have more self-confidence. It helps them to trust themselves more.
The sweet little side effect is that it helps other people to trust them too. But that’s in addition to building that trust in themselves. Teach and model integrity. I love this next tip because it ties right into everything.
Tip #2 – Let The Consequences Do The Teaching
consequences and empathy. I want you to avoid the old 3R’s of parenting. Do you
remember what those are? Rant,
Rave, and Rescue. This is
where we ball them out, and we bail them out. And usually, it’s because we
personally are uncomfortable with the consequences that our kiddo just turned.
Don’t bail them out.
Now, I know that there are times when you’re going to
slip on this. That’s fine. But for the most part, we need to let our children
experience the consequences for their choices. Why?
Because we want them to trust themselves more. Remember, we’re trying to instill self-confidence. I’ve got a quick example for you that came from a mom who’s working with her teenage daughter to be more responsible in her schoolwork and to stay away from somethings that were kind of harmful to her. She was starting to use some substances. Without sharing all of the details, here’s the arrangement:
Mom told this daughter, “If you attend every class
this week on time with all your assignments completed, I will take you out on
Friday to get your dress for the prom that’s coming up on Saturday.”
And then she smiled. Because when moms are smiling, kids
are thinking. Guess what happened with the daughter? What do you think? She’s a
teenager who’s in a pattern of skipping classes and smoking something out
behind the shop. Yeah, she blew it. Which is good.
Now, that’s going to tip you over potentially because you
really want your kids to exceed. But in our coaching of parents, we teach them
back off, let blow it. Let them (like it’s up to you?), They’re going to blow
it, right? But you kind of secretly hoping that they do because then they get
to have a learning experience. And that’s what we’re after. We want them to
develop self-confidence and be responsible.
So, daughter blew it. Mom didn’t say anything. And as a
parent, I want you just to chill okay? Don’t remind them about everything. We
call it reminding, they call it something else –Nagging. Mom was cool. She
just observed, and she’s waiting for Friday, Daughter comes at school on
Friday, hops in the car, expecting to go down to the dress shop.
Where did mom go? Home. Did the daughter notice this? Oh,
yeah! Now, would’ve been really easy for mom after daughter said, “Mom,
what about my dress?” Would’ve been really easy for a mom to ball her out
and bail her out.
I am so proud of her. She didn’t. She didn’t ball her out
and bailed her out. And usually, that sounds something like, “Well, next
time you need to listen to me? “Or if “You would’ve just done what I
ask you to do.” Now, you’ve turned into this ranting raving lunatic.
No, mom was cool. She was like, “Oh, sweetie, I feel
so bad about this. But I have to respect your decision. “Wow! That was
powerful. And daughter turned it on. You know, waterworks and tears and
whining. “But mom! What am I going to do? What am I going to wear to dress?”
Mom was awesome again. She said, “Sweetie, I don’t
know. But I trust you to figure something out. “Wow! Now, separate
yourself for just a minute from the emotional impact of an event like this and
see what kind of leanings happening.
In daughter’s head? Mom’s being cool. Mom is smiling. Mom
is following through on the consequences. And expressing empathy without
bailing her out. What’s going to happen the next time she has an agreement? The
next time she tells mom, “Mom, I’m going to be in class every day this
week.” Teaching integrity We’ve got to get to where our words match. How
we show up in this world. That’s powerful.
You are a benevolent, loving, generous parent. You’re a conscious parent. I know that because you’re reading this article. Thank you for being here. You know how vital an example it is.
Tip #3 – Model It
number 3 for raising a child with self-esteem? You’re going to model it. You’re
going to become an example of this. I want you to bag the negative self-talk.
Once and for all. And I mean the stuff that comes out of your mouth. But I also
expect the thing that’s going on inside your head.
If I talk to you the way you speak to you, would we still
be friends? Consider that for a minute.
What kind of dialogue is going on in mom’s head? What is
dad thinking about himself? Do you have self-confidence? Can you trust yourself?
I hope you can apply some of the tips and strategies we’ve talked about here on you. Because the most significant gift you can give your child is a fully functioning parent. We want you to have self-esteem too because that probably is one of the most powerful things that you can do to teach your child how to do the very same thing.
Tip #4 – Create A culture Centered Around “I can handle it”
of we’re talking about here comes down to the last tip for a strategy for
raising a child with self-confidence. And that is to create a culture within
your home, within your family that’s centered in this idea: I can handle it.
Think about how much you trust someone who can handle
anything, right? The culture that we’re building in our home now is around
“I can handle it.”
Did you know that the number one belief that fuels
anxiety and depression and fear is the belief that “I can’t handle
it”? Whatever it is. You know? Maybe there’s some test coming up.
“Oh, I don’t think I can’t handle that.” Or get
rejected. “Oh, I can’t handle that.” The truth?
You have already handled everything so far. Isn’t that
profound? I know. But think about how awesome that is. You’ve previously
handled everything so far. Your children have already managed everything so
far. Why would that ever change?
So, we’re creating a family culture around this thought: I CAN HANDLE IT. And when I know I can handle it, I can trust myself. And I can have the Confidence to take on whatever comes next. Thank you for being so conscious and so present in this outstanding job of parenting.